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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
-Art Buchwald
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Acceptance
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Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is only time we have.
-Art Buchwald
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America
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
-Art Buchwald
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Auto Racing
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People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman; but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.
-Art Buchwald, Have I Ever Lied to You?
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Consumerism
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The best things in life aren't things.
-Art Buchwald
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Earth
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And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: Look at this Godawful mess.
-Art Buchwald, 1970
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Law
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It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. Some of you will soon be defending poor, helpless insurance companies who are constantly being sued by greedy, vicious widows and orphans trying to collect on their policies. Others will work tirelessly to protect frightened, beleaguered oil companies from being attacked by depraved consumer groups.
-Art Buchwald, commencement address, Tulane University School of Law
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Past, the
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We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don
-Art Buchwald
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Property
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The best things in life aren't things.
-Art Buchwald
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Protest
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
-Art Buchwald
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Satire
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
-Art Buchwald
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Taxation
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Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
-Art Buchwald
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Books by and about Art Buchwald