A man of little brain am I,
   And less vocabulary.
I know not much of poetry
   And grammar always scares me.
I'm told that I should lern tu spel,
   And maybe read some books -
What a crock! I might as well
   Get used to dirty looks
From folks who'd like to see my stuff
   Reach its full potential.
Okay, so I know my rhythm is kind of rough,
   And my rhyme is non-existant;
My commas sometimes start my lines
   , (though fullstops rarely end them)
And now and then (from time to time)
   The rules, you see: I bend them.

But Quotelanders and other strange
   Creatures of this web:
Hear my plea, and help to make
   A poet of this pleb.
When you read a poem of mine,
   I'd like to hear your thoughts
On how it made you feel, and why.
   Did't end the way it ought?
Don't be shy to throw a brick
   Or shower me with sugar;
Those yellow pills they tend to stick
   Some problems to my liver -
But nonetheless your honesty
   Is what I value most:
For it improves my poetry
   So't's worthy of a post.

A simple, barefoot lad I am
   (And instant coffee freak!),
I've a simple quest, a cunning plan:
   My words are what I seek.

The subject matter has been on my mind a fair bit lately, so I thought hey why not put some rhythm and melody to it.

Peace and peas, Mo

"Creemos en suenos" - We believe in dreams

[This message was edited by Flaming Mo on 11-09-01 at 09:21 AM.]

quite a funny fella you are Mo

...hmm, let's see, be ambushed with bricks and sugar, not to mention have your liver rot because of the pills, all for the glory of knowing proper punctuation, spelling, etc.......hmm, small price to pay, no?

"With my use of words in any verse,
my sentences so diverse,
you will still see the point if read reverse,
if there is a point immersed within this verse that I institute"

Hey Mo,

Great work...no sugar, no pills(are you implying we have drug addicts here?), This one made me smile...thanks, mate.

Love,
-Jess

------------------------------
"If my poetry aims to achieve anything, it's to deliver people from the limited ways in which they see and feel."
-Jim Morrison

Dear "simple, barefoot lad",

Methinks you doth protest too much! Your poem was witty and funny and more profound than it may be taken at first or third reading. It certainly cheered this depressed soul. I think Qouteland needs a wise, (if of little brain), Mo like you to keep things in perspective and balance. So what if you flunk your exams, you will always be a hero on ql!!! As I would say if I were from down under, I find you 'armless in your criticisms of me. Please keep it up.

Nick

I can trace my lineage back to King Lear's fool, so it is genetic.
Nick

-----
This is only the beginning

Flaming Mo, I really got a good giggle from this one. Sometimes that is how I feel. I would rather know what I am doing wrong in a constructive manner than not to try at all. I am trying to gain confidence in my writing.....Huh? Does yellow pills and guzzling coffee really help?

They're saying, "Mamma never loved her much." And, "Daddy never keeps in touch. That's why she shies away from human affection." Savage Garden To the Moon & Back

and a man of very little brain can write a poem like that...

There has to be some hope for a Fair-of-Very-Little-Brain, right?

Great job, Mo- humorous, well-written, and cute.

Thanks for sharing!
(sorry, no brickings for you today. )

1) Use descriptive subject headers when starting a new topic
2) Search previous threads before posting (and save time!!)
3) Check out The Quote-Searchin' Tutorial for help on websearches.

Gosh, so many replies so quickly - wowzers!

Sincere & Jess:- Glad I could bring a smile to your faces. And yes, my liver would be a small price indeed to pay for good technique (the dastardly organ never did me any good anyway - may as well trade it in for decent punctuation...now there's something I could really use )

Surgeon:- 'armless... Well, you've just shown yourself to be "'armless" indeed! Good on ya for sticking up for me while I was buried beneath my books, ole buddy

Rhon:-

LadyyRose:- I know I know: how much better is it when you get negative feedback as well as the standard positive stuff? I haven't seen a great deal of your work, but I'm pretty sure I remember being struck by it - I don't think confidence should be an issue for you . I don't know about the yellow pills (so far I've resisted the urge), but as far as the coffee-guzzling goes, I say absodupily!

Fair_Gwen:- Ah, I knew you wouldn't let me down! Here's a pint to you, my boon companion, for picking up on the "little brain" reference! Awww...no brickings? How disappointing - I'm in dire need of fibre in my diet

Thanks all for your replies - always appreciated muchly. Peace and peas, Mo

"Creemos en suenos" - We believe in dreams

Novaadage & Sabio:- I see your messages have been deleted, which is a pity, but I can see where the moderators are coming from. I have to say that when I woke up this morning and read your posts, I was more than a little chipped, but since then I've had a great day and mellowed out a whole lot, so I'm cool now with everything that's been going on in this thread. This message may be edited by the moderators, but I'd like to try my hand at a public reply anyhow:
    It's unfortunate that you thought I was having a go at you, because I wasn't. I've been pushing for more critical critiques long before you guys logged in at Quoteland: Nightshade and Belladonna and Is there a difference between poetry and verse?...those are just a couple of my more recent replies, but you'll see it's a common theme running through most of my posts at Quoteland. I'd appreciate it if you emailed me personally if you take exception to my poems, instead of flinging random accusations around like a dead cat - I would do you the same courtesy. If you had done that (or maybe done some little research before ranting), I could have explained the misunderstanding. But you're still new and learning the ways of our little family here at Quoteland, so I say no hard feelings - it was just a misunderstanding, so what say we call it water under the bridge and move on?

edit:- Gosh, look at me - I've gone and forgotten to wish you all a happy (or sad, or gruesome, or whatever the appropriate word is ) Halloween. I'm a day late now, so I hope it was a good one.

[This message was edited by Flaming Mo on 11-01-01 at 06:57 AM.]

What a fun and frolicking poem,
With a happy-bouncy beat!
I think the way you make your point
Poetically, is neat!

Flawless form and solid flow
You're on a winning streak!
But, to balance out this load of praise
May I throw in one critique?

Instant coffee's but a shadow
of the stuff that's ground and brewed!
It may be quicker to prepare
But it's second-rate and rude!

Deanna

I'm still the angel to a girl who hates to sin Tori Amos, "Happy Phantom"

I have come this way before, and wouldn’t miss out on an opportunity to bump it when I know Mo’s around and is less likely to miss it .
I’d echo the laughter and praise from ole QL-family above! I like your refined and cute humor, it is a natural laugh and there’s nothing inane about it. Someone that conveys something so niftily can’t be a man of "little" brain . The first stanza indicated the poem to be a satire on the writers that couldn’t care less for the quality of their works or even for proof-reading before posting… going further it turned out to convey an appreciation of good guidance from "Quotelanders and other strange Creatures of this web", or, as you wrote, that your words are what you seek. I like that attitude. I have always looked forward to reading your resourceful critiques…you never fail to disappoint me: the moment I see Flaming Mo and his pumpkin avatar, I know I’m in for a treat!
I love the way your lines are what they talk of (maybe there’s a technical term for that, doesn’t hit my mind at the moment), like
And my rhyme is non-existant;
-this is the only line disturbing the rhyme scheme, &
Okay, so I know my rhythm is kind of rough,
-one of the only lines out of rhythm.

Some of my fave lines and terms (I see I picked up almost half the poem!):

I'm told that I should lern tu spel,
My commas sometimes start my lines
, (though fullstops rarely end them)
The rules, you see: I bend them.
" Did't " " So't's "
My words are what I seek.

I tried to read this a few times to come up with what you seek, criticism, but ouch!
As an aside, I like the way you calmly handle misunderstandings (your note to Novaadage & Sabio). Another aside, Obiter dictum if you’re reading this, I was also amused by your ditty .

----
"My mother and father desired a child and they begot me.
And I wanted a mother and a father and I begot night and the sea."
-Kahlil Gibran, "Sand and foam"

I always get a kick out of this poem and decided to bump it up. The coffee talk in GenDiscussion reminded me of this particular "coffee freak" QLander and plea-full poems.

Awesome! Put a smile on my face immediately!

Keep up the good work!

Now ad days all the poets writes the about nature or politics any may be but your poem give a message that is comma give start of our life but fullstops give end of our life.your poem was witty and funny and more profound than it may be taken at first or third reading.
=====================================================
betty143
drug addiction is must and should.
[url="http://www.drugaddiction.net/missouri"]Missouri Drug Addiction[/url]

Describes the mood or content of the topic posted 08-26-08 12:14 AM
Now ad days all the poets writes the about nature or politics any may be but your poem give a message that is comma give start of our life but fullstops give end of our life.your poem was witty and funny and more profound than it may be taken at first or third reading.
=====================================================
betty143
drug addiction is must and should.
Missouri Drug Addiction

These are some very good lines. You said you added some music to it also? Have you posted a video on Youtube with you playing it? I would like to see it!
____________________________
Ada Wakeman - Drug Rehab Programs