Sweet little underling Careful of the floorboard creak Always a precise step behind Standing tall, but feeling weak Gathering about her Every crystal word to fall The hurts are heaviest, But she carries them all Precious jewels your sweet lips did impart Locked forever In the depths of her heart If you ever looked behind you Oh, the love you'd see Ever so eagerly waiting to be
you are so eloquent with your words and the light rhyme scheme shows true discpline and talent. I love reading your works my friend. Also thanks for the help on the Application of Life II. Now do you see why I Luvleetasha so much?
Rico
Posts: 1362 | Location: Atlanta, GA | Registered: 08-19-02
I love this kind of writing. Something that needs to be read a few times to get the meaning. For me anyway. Not going to give it away, I might be wrong anyway. Ether way I enjoyed the read and hope to see more soon.
"Shadows shifting everywhere; Very thin and very tall, Moving, mingling on the wall, Till they make one shadow all." -Augustus Julian Requier
It seems as if you were somebody's "shadow", looking for recognition, respect and the love you so desperatley craved. Only wanting your "idol" to return the same feelings you had. Treading lightly to avoid rejection.
If I have come remotely close to the idea behind this poem, then let it be said that you are recognized, respected and loved now.
You have such an eloquence in your writing and you speak of your pain through perfectly chosen words. And as Rico said, you can see why I luvleetasha so much too!
PJ
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance - e e cummings
Posts: 1951 | Location: On a tree branch.....way up high. | Registered: 11-12-02
Nice rhyme scheme, perfect lenght.Funny how there are no corrections that i would make.Somehow, I relate to this poem. Liked it, especially the last few lines :
If you ever looked behind you Oh, the love you'd see Ever so eagerly waiting to be
luvleetasha- Your poem made me think of a guardian angel...
The hurts are heaviest, But she carries them all
the way this shadow, seems to hold your burdens and protect you. hmm, lol but now I've read it through again I think I may be wrong. I think I'll leave this one up to you to explain, keep writing!
best wishes, Hope {Grant}
I found your picture today I swear I'll change my ways I just called to say I want you to come back home I just called to say, I love you come back home (Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock)
Stella Splendens December 22, 1985 - March 27, 2003 RIP
Posts: 1773 | Location: Devon, England | Registered: 02-04-02
Again, a wonderfully written piece. I smiled when I say Hope's reply, as I was thinking the same thing...now I'm excited to see what you had in mind...
-Hellsangel
_________________________________________________ I found your picture today I swear I'll change my ways I just called to say I want you to come back home I just called to say, I love you come back home (Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock)
Stella Splendens December 22, 1985-March 27, 2003 Rest in peace, mi hermanita
with Songbird, I think the poem is about someone who is looking for recognition by a loved one. However, the picture I get in my head is of my little sister, around the age of five or so, closely dogging my steps but trying hard not to be too annoying; loving me in that fierce and pushy, yet unsure way children sometimes are.
It's a good poem, had to read it a couple of times to "get" it. At least, the way I got it.
Viv
"What are ethics? Highly subjective and completely overrated." ...The Gillmore Girls
Posts: 201 | Location: bronx, new york, usa | Registered: 08-01-02
I missed this one way back when and am glad I stumbled upon it now. This projects in my eye a sad little valiant figure trailing behind her Dad, looking for any little crumb of recognition and love and attention. I think part of me gleaned this from some of your other writings and some of it I just "felt".
Absolutely wonderful job of getting the emotion of the experience across through your word picture.
~~LB~~
"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.
Posts: 1915 | Location: somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: 06-30-02
LB~ I had something totally different in mind when I wrote this little ditty, but as I read your reply . . . tears came to my eyes as I felt the truth of your words.
Gus McCrae: You know how it works Jake, you ride with an outlaw, you die with an outlaw. I'm sorry you crossed the line.
Jake Spoon: I didn't see no line Gus. I was just trying to get through the territory without getting scalped, that's all.
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance - e e cummings
