I've held my breath, I've closed my eyes. I've fallen asleep watching, witness to my demise. I've gazed as it poured, like a glass of champagne. I've been entranced by its shimmer, and enraptured by its pain. I've laid my head, in a pillow of soft breast. I've closed my eyes, to will my heart to rest. I've felt that light breeze, so warm and inviting. I've glimpsed that soft glow, on the path of enlightening. I've seen my utopia, that perfect spiritual place. I've felt safe and protected, inside its loving embrace. I've stared into the eyes of demons, while I waged war upon my soul. I've sadly laughed at the gods, as I peacefully let go. I've been willing to surrender, to fall into the sea. I've tempted fate by visiting heaven, before god had given me the key. I've gambled with the gatekeeper, to find his deeper meaning. I've anteed up my soul, staying mindful of his cheating. Yet this time he played an ace, hidden up his sleeve. As he won my dead eyes dried, my lungs forgot to breathe. I turned to run but found I couldn't, not with legs gone lame. I was unwillingly trapped in my hell of utopia, until you said my name.
[This message was edited on 01-17-03 at 08:35 PM.]
Oh my gosh! What an amazing poem to come to Writer's Club with! It was so deep and had such a strong feeling to it. My favourite lines:
I've felt that light breeze, so warm and inviting. I've glimpsed that soft glow, on the path of enlightening. I've seen my utopia, that perfect spiritual place. I've felt safe and protected, inside it's loving embrace.
I love it. Most amazing work- I'll never look at newbies the same way again . Just one little grammatical note- When you say 'it's' it is not (although it would make sense now wouldn't it!) meaning "as in belonging to it" it is a contraction of "it is" So when you say "it's loving embrace" you are really saying "it is loving embrace." Other than that- an amazing piece, which somehow really got to me. I'd like you to keep writing- so I get to keep reading!
Smile...
-A friend
*Precise Imagination*
We want to stand upon our own feet and look fair and square at the world - its good facts, its bad facts, its beauties, and its ugliness; see the world as it is and be not afraid of it. Conquer the world by intelligence and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it.
That was absolutely amazing...you have a real talent wsdmskr. I loved it...you could almost write a story about that!! I don't know what else to say that was so great...I'm simply at a loss for words! Welcome to QL..you're obviously at the right place Can't wait to read some more.
Dreams created by the subconcious mind...Illusions of hope leaving you blind.
~*¤Lauren¤*~
Posts: 397 | Location: Between subconsious dreams and the pain of reality | Registered: 01-03-03
I think your poem is absolutely beautiful. (I'm not just saying that because it's about me) Back to a serious note -- I told you many times that I thought you were an excellent writer, I am glad you got the courage to share your work with others. Maybe now you will listen to me. (I am ALWAYS right, and sooner or later you will realize it)
Such descriptiveness, such imagery, such beauty! Welcome to QL, you are amazing. We need someone else of your talent around here, for it is always well-appreciated. Great first poem, hope to see more like that in the near future.
~Much love~
¤Imbued¤Glory¤
Have a happy day!
Posts: 2622 | Location: the edge of a summer's dream. | Registered: 11-01-02
wsdmskr- I'm replying to this one again, as I just wanted to tell you that you are the first (newbie too) poets that we have ever discussed in one of our PTs that has taken more than 2 posts. We can't get over how good you are! Really moving work. Can't wait to see more!
-A friend
*Precise Imagination*
We want to stand upon our own feet and look fair and square at the world - its good facts, its bad facts, its beauties, and its ugliness; see the world as it is and be not afraid of it. Conquer the world by intelligence and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it.
I'm glad that unlike many newcomers, you have taken pains to give us an edited piece-no grammatical errors, punching errors or spelling mistakes that I noticed here.
This piece has some good words which you have knit well together. Nice poem-nice title.
Welcome to QL, you would find many writers of your standing here-hope you enjoy it here.
~Truth is God...God is beauty [original words: "Satyam Shivam Sundram"]~-I translated the Sanskrit words into English words, author I don't know.
Posts: 4372 | Location: Back At Quoteland :) | Registered: 08-18-02
wsdmskr- Welcome to Quoteland, this was a startling first piece, in fact since I'm not always 'around' I thought you'd been here awhile and I'd just missed you.
I've gambled with the gatekeeper, to find his deeper meaning. I've anteed up my soul, staying mindful of his cheating.
-My favourite lines, your flow and description made this a most memorable piece. Keep writing!
best wishes, ~Hope~
Posts: 1773 | Location: Devon, England | Registered: 02-04-02
Grabbed my from the very beggining and never let go. Great poem...very lyrical! Nice opener especially, I know everyone's been giving you praise for this one and you deserve it! Looking forward to seeing me...(ahh to be a newbie again) Good job, keep writing and impressing us, huh? GE
From the desk of THE COLD POET
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation!."
Posts: 930 | Location: The Dark Side of the Moon | Registered: 05-26-02
hey dingus! nice poem. who'd have thought you could actually do something like that?? but in all honesty, i was greatly impressed and found it to be well written and full of deep emotion. keep up the good work!
This awesome. I can't believe I stumbled upon it. So deep and layered. Beautiful rhyming pattern. It struck a chord and I want to make others aware of what a talent you ha ve. Thank you.
. Just one little grammatical note- When you say 'it's' it is not (although it would make sense now wouldn't it!) meaning "as in belonging to it" it is a contraction of "it is" So when you say "it's loving embrace" you are really saying "it is loving embrace." Other than that- an amazing piece, which somehow really got to me. I'd like you to keep writing- so I get to keep reading!
Can't wait to read some more.
