Hi, currently taking writing seminar at school and I need some suggestions on the poems and pieces that I have written. Like changes, re-wording stuff like that. It'll help me out a lot
A Simple Wish
As you and I approach the tunnel,
I take a deep breath and make a simple wish
Ten seconds pass
And I fight the urge to take a breath
Almost a thirty seconds pass
Still no end in sight
My lungs continue to search for air
And burn when they discover no solution
Forty seconds
Now fifty
I am beginning to loose hope
Never have I held my breath this long
After what seemed like eternity,
I see the end of the tunnel
My head starts to spin
With my air supply next to nothing
I pray that I can hold out
Finally
Blazing sunlight penetrates the windows
And I am blinded by the newfound glare on the windshield
I expel the trapped air from my tormented chest
And gasp for new breath
I notice as the light hits you through the window
You look over
Smile
And ask, “What are you doing?”
I look into your beautiful blue eyes
And think
“Hey, what do you know?”
3 minus 1
Since they were little, they lived in the same neighborhood. The three of them: James, Gene, and Lisa, eventually became the best of friends. And later on, two became a couple. Gene took the pair to see a movie. After that, he took them out to eat. He loved spending time with them. While parking the car, James and Lisa got into an argument. Gene, not wanting to intrude, slowly exited the car, and sat on the curb. The argument started softly, and slowly became louder and louder. Gene knew the sound of a couple yelling all to well. He buried his face in his hands and began to cry. The arguing became unbearable. Gene covered his ears but the sound still haunted him as muffled shouting penetrated his attempt to shield himself from the outside world. The door slammed shut as Lisa exited the car. James drove off in anger leaving a friend and an ex behind. Lisa looked at Gene and immediately, she knew what was up. Slowly, She sat next to him on the curb, and tried to comfort him. Gene looked at Lisa, then up to the stars. “I love you Mom…I love you Dad.”
(um this next one is kinda weird, during class we wrote down everyone's favorite word and put it into a poem, so...yea)
Sonic Wars Between the Protons
Oshi doshi
Discombobulated
Rolly Polly Sparks
Cherish hugs
Enigma cacahuate
Sheik potato narks
Blazé fruits
Buckwheat addiction
La bufanda holy cow
Prestidigitonium is a real word
Let’s say it all together now
We think that Cucumbers are kind of sleazy
And find sparticus kind of breazy
And if someone says risqué again
There’ll be five-oh up in this heazy
I heard of a supercalifragilisticexpealidocious
Or was it fragalisticalisuper?
Either way it’s still atrocious
It was deja digi destiny
When Shanaynay found utopia
I can tell you where it is
It’s in the middle of Ethiopia
Ready or not
-Sense of Age
Dozens of running feet create an echo that can be heard throughout the neighborhood
Drowning out the small voice of the girl
The footsteps quiet down within a few seconds
And the voice is again audible
“Twennny -eeiight
Twennny -niiiiiine
Thrity!
Ready or not, Here I come!”
The seeker looks around the neighborhood and sees nothing
She skips around the block, hoping to find someone
With the giggling and the rustle of a bush, she finds her target
The chase begins as the girl rushes the bush
To her surprise, she finds not one
But two little ones hidden behind the plant
Who run quickly toward the base
The girl is no match for the little ones as they escape the tag
And make it home
“Drats!” She thinks as she looks for her next victim
Again, she walks around the block
Looking underneath a car, she sees the feet of someone hiding behind it
She creeps up and catches the boy off guard
He scrambles toward the base
The girl chases
Tripping on her untied shoelaces,
Scraping her knee on the pavement
She cries out in pain,
And the other kids come out of their hiding places to help
A boy who hid behind the trash can arrives at the scene first
“Are you okay?”
“I think so”
“Here, let me help you up”
The boy extends out his hand to the small girl
As she accepts his hand, and looks at him
“You know, what?”
“What”
The girl dusts herself off,
And laughingly runs away
“You’re it!”
Thanks, I want to become a better writer so your comments, suggestions, critiques, words of encouragement, (or discouragement 
) will be all appreciated.
-Erwin
Lovely... I had a fun time reading through those. The mom/dad one was sad, the little kid one made me laugh out loud, and the one with the funny words just might be scrawled on my binder soon if you give me the correct citation. 
