[I just wrote this spontaneously, unedited. I am venting.]

To my beloved friend of two thirds of my life:

Today,
You crushed my heart and left it as carion for the buzzards
With the the same tone of voice as you might have used
To tell a dirty joke.

When I told you how much it hurt to hear you say
That you think I follow you like around like some sad puppy dog
You said, "Dude, you need to lighten up."

Well, actually, you skipped the saying.
You said it in an electronic mail.

Well, my friend, where shall I start?
Shall I screw a lightbulb into the hole
In the frame of my door
Where there used to be a one-way lock
To stow the dangerous, asocial seven-year-old me
In my room for eighteen hours at a time?

How about a little illumination for the pot I was to use for a toilet?

Shall I shine a little light on the
Shreds of innocence that I was left with
When the housekeeper used to come and
Play, always play, tickle, and touch me
Where I didn't want to be touched?

Shall I install a fixture in the sixteen foot square closet
Where they used to lock me every day
With no windows and no way out?
That room was pretty dark, you know?
I guess it could use a light.

Maybe I should light a candle
For the death I used to ask for
Because I was above suicide
But I didn't want to live.

They say it's better not to curse the darkness
But all of that's easier said than done.

Maybe I should lighten up.
Or maybe you should be a little more sensitive to a man

Whose biggest fear
Is being

Unwanted.

hello david

this is longrain... know that what i say is straight from my heart. thank you. thank you. thank you. god, you're so damn good. so damn good at expressing so many things. so good...

i wish everyday that if only it could be so easy... that everyone could read these words and understand. understand... what needs to be understood. as to lightening up... well.. you are you and he/she is he/she and this is all that will ever be.

forever and always... your fan... longrain13

"blah blah blah, yakety schmakety"

your grief and disbelief at the implicit betrayal of a close friend.

Been there myself. (Unfortunately, at another times I've also been the offender needing forgiveness.)

Airedale

Oh my god...how your words tore at me. I was stunned when I read them and I have to say for me to be speechless...OH..... What an impact your words made. It is as if you looked inside of every sad child and hurt moment and just let the feelings explode. I saw in your words not only what was written but every little emotion that haunts us all from time to time in our lives...

"From those we follow to those we have yet to meet, pain we hide and pain that eats us alive...ripped from the soul and splashed into the light of day." LJL

all i can say is i know what u r saying!!i've been and still on the same threshold

David...

This seems so awfully real. Man, you really know how to paint a picture in someones head. I'm trying to wipe the tears off and type at the same time. This was awesome man. Not even that... words can't explain. This just has me speechless.

Shall I shine a little light on the
Shreds of innocence that I was left with
When the housekeeper used to come and
Play, always play, tickle, and touch me
Where I didn't want to be touched?

I had to stop and read that again. You used such simple words to paint such a vivid picture. You are truly a great writer.

Much Respect and Bum Love - Please, keep on sharing. (I'm replying now, so other QL's can read this, this wonderfully written piece.)

¤Deep in the valley, carved on the rock, three little words, Forget Me Not.¤

Wow. There are no other words. I now have such a vivid burning image in my mind which I may never be able to erase, not that I would want to. Thoughts of the things you described so simply and yet so powerfully have not been opened to my mind for a long time. You shed light on a part of me I forgot existed. The part that knows what I have to do. Thank you.