I saw that in a reply you mentioned the Phoenix and now you have turned it into a mythical enigma. Will the pyre be unchanged enough for the Phoenix to resurrect. I like the originality of using the myth to come up with a thought provoking quandry. Of course, the poem itself is beautiful and well done.
Nick
I can trace my lineage back to King Lear's fool, so it is genetic. Nick
A rather mournful piece. I like the question at the end. The fact that the speaker asks it indicates there is a smidgen of hope, of desire for the myth to become reality.
Reads a bit like Ezekial's Valley of Dry Bones.
As for the title, I don't know, it didn't seem to reflect for me the poem's contents that well. There was not more than one metaphor, was there? Perhaps "Mixed Metaphor" (singular?) Just a thought.
Anyhoo, as usual, you ratchet up the standard and it's lovely for your admirers to see how you paint your word pictures utilizing more than just the sense of sight (e.g., trill, splatter, sputter).
Airedale
"And in the end, after the pruning, both the fruit of the vine and 'fruits' of the heart become fine wine." \Doug/
A phoenix-bird had always, always fascinated me ever since I, as a child, once read a book about one.
You painted (in stark words) a bleak scene of devastation, but rest assured..."there will be enough (remains) when the storm dies to renew the phoenix." I await its glory-resurrection!
I find your closet of descriptive words bulging at the seams. No wonder it reads so well, since you possess the only key.
Phoenix-flames across the sky Weep brittle sparks That sputter and Crumble to dusty ash.
What a job you have done with your word usage...you have a created a picture in my mind...
thanks for sharing..
always ~ duDette (kari) ~~~~****~~~~ "She paints her eyes as black as night now She pulls those shades down tight She gives me a smile when the pain comes The pain gonna' make everything alright."-Black Crowes
"Blue, here's a song for you. Ink on a pin Underneath the skin An empty space to fill in. Well there's so many sinking now- You've got to keep thinking You can make it through these waves." -Joni Mitchell
Main Entry: mixed metaphor Function: noun Date: 1800 : a figure of speech combining inconsistent or incongruous metaphors
Main Entry: met·a·phor Pronunciation: 'me-t&-"for also -f&r Function: noun Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French metaphore, from Latin metaphora, from Greek, from metapherein to transfer, from meta- + pherein to bear —more at BEAR Date: 1533 1 : a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them (as in drowning in money); broadly : figurative language — compare SIMILE 2 : an object, activity, or idea treated as a metaphor : SYMBOL 2 - met·a·phor·ic /"me-t&-'for-ik, -'fär-/ or met.a.phor.i.cal adjective - met·a·phor·i·cal·ly /-i-k(&-)lE/ adverb
I have to agree with Airedale, Rhon, where are the metaphor's? Excellent word usage, painted quite vivid pictures in my head. Thanks for sharing, it was nice to see your name on the front page.
Harv P.S. They won't win.
And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete/Little pieces of the nothin' that fall/Put your arms around me/What you feel is what you are/And what you are is beautiful -Goo Goo Dolls,Slide
It was originally going to be titled "Why I Hate Fall" and was going to start like this:
Oak tree Phoenix-flames across the sky Weeping brittle sparks That sputter and Crumble to dusty ash.
Then I realized that without those words as explanation, the poem became more than just a linguisting exercise in describing the oak that flames outside my window and scatters leaves all over the yard every Fall. Hence, the poem as metaphor for the oak and the season... and the oak and its leaves as a metaphor for the emotions. You should know better than to trust me...
Some personal responses - Doc As they say in the song, "wasn't me". I think it was Limn or Aire who mentioned the Phoenix recently in a response.
Aire The question at the end wasn't meant to be hopeful - if anything, I was aiming in the opposite direction. If the ashes are scattered, how could the phoenix re-emerge? As for the descriptions, if the picture only evinces a vision, than it's nothing but dry paint. The other senses, emotions, have to be involved - don't you agree?
Rico Hope you enjoyed, and the indigestion that followed wasn't too painful.
Limn I always loved the phoenix, too. As for the closets, it's good to air them out now and then, as you surely know. My little cubby of words is dwarfed by your walk-in.
dudettethank you for your praise. Perhaps you can paint a brighter picture to hang in your mind's gallery.
Harv oh,good. You found something to look up. Since my vocabulary isn't as high-faluting as some others, I know you often have to look up things you already know. I try to use big words, just for you, you know. You've created a challenge for many of us, to see what we can throw into a poem that will make Harv go to her dictionary.
Fuzzies thank you.
----- What's done can not be undone. Lady MacB
[This message was edited on 11-16-02 at 11:20 AM.]
[This message was edited on 11-16-02 at 11:20 AM.]
I liked this poem for several reasons. I'll mention two. It caused images to fly into my mind. I especially liked From skeletons Reaching for redemption
And it conjured up a personal memory for me. When the sister of my kitty Juma disappeared one day, we got a little kitten to fill the void. I was given the honor of naming him, and with almost no hesitation I named him "Phoenix."
I liked this work very much.
"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present."~Albert Camus.
Now I'm even further impressed. After all my pondering of what the metaphor was pertaining to! i never would have guessed, and yet it should have been so obvious! I live in a country that seldom sees fall colours as we have mainly evergreen foliage, and even then it is early summer here, so I didn't have a chance! Brilliant work rhon! Brilliant! Fuzzies!
"So close nomatter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters" -Nothing Else Matters, Metallica
Posts: 5637 | Location: Aotearoa (New Zealand) | Registered: 09-22-02
ohhhh! I liked this.. very thought-provoking.. The visual imagery you've used here is simply superb -
Rain douses fragrant cinders. Insistent, unceasing. Soot clouds suspended in mildewed lethargy Splatter smoldering charcoal stains On the dampened pyre.
Definitely my favorite lines! Thanks for sharing!
--------Sanya----------
“Do what you think and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”-Richard Bach
Strange, is it not? that of the myriads who Before us pass'd the door of Darkness through, Not one returns to tell us of the Road, Which to discover we must travel too. - Omar Khayyam
Posts: 2568 | Location: Middle of Nowhere | Registered: 04-12-02
Well, whatever the inspiration or explanation of this piece, it is starkly beautiful and suits my frame of mind at this point in time. This is one that can be reread until it is ingrained upon the soul. Now, as far as the phoenix goes, isn't it the nature of the beast to arise from those ashes no matter how devastating? Thanks so much! I really needed that right about now! Hugs, MM
"The suspense is killing me. I hope it will last!" Willy Wonka
Posts: 241 | Location: Constant State of Confusion | Registered: 09-25-02
HA - Glad you enjoyed. Even gladder that you got a chance to sit back!
Ken - Perhaps the phoenix will rise, perhaps not. But if you smelt the cinders and saw the rain, I hope you didn't get to close to the fire. I'd hate for you to get burned.
TN "It caused images to fly into my mind" - the best praise one could offer. Thank you.
Fuzzies - Although it's not my favorite season, I can't imagine not experiencing all of them in all their glory. You should travel somewhere to see the leaves blaze red-orange-yellow across a crystal blue sky. Just don't stay out enjoying it too long, because in a heartbeat the sky will be grey, and you'll be dealing with a nasty, bitter, cold, wet wind!
$anya your praise is greatly appreciated.
MM If this was what you needed, you're welcome to it. Hugs back atcha.
Grneyes3737 I believe you. Really I do! Someone was going to decipher it - and it's no surprise that it was one of our more astute and sensitive members.
No Rajesh, now- till now- I am the last one. Oops sorry Rhon. What should I say Rhon? I like the imagery. Some of the words I found hard to understand and I'd have to refer to a dictionary...I guess you are pretty good at writing and that gives me a sort-of-uh, not jealousy not pain but like a complex?-about my work...the present state of it. I mean, I believe I have talent, but it is raw and nascent. I guess I'll try some of the suggestions that you have given us all...like editing again and again...and I'll take your neat work as an inspiration. And since your work and you yourself inspire me, thanks! This was an honest comment on your poem so hope u don't mind.
~Think. There are better ways~(I don't know who gave it.)
Posts: 4374 | Location: Back At Quoteland :) | Registered: 08-18-02
No wonder it reads so well, since you possess the only key. 
