hello river girl .
well i dont know you name ...but wanna tell you that what has happened to you has made you a special person.now you are diffrent .i am not a regular user but i have some material.that can make you smile ..so i am sending that to you .hope you like it........ya i am not near you but i want you to buy CHICKEN SOUP FOR SOUL(for surviving souls )and read that that will make you feel nice.
Banta was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying
> overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over
> him.
> Banta said, "Good thing that cows don't fly.
>
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> Banta is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
> says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
>
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> Why are Banta secret agents the best in the world?
> Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
> assigned to.
>
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> Did you hear about Banta who signed all his cheques so that no one
> else could use them if he lost his cheque book?
>
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> Did you hear about Banta who asked his friends to give him all
> their burnt out light bulbs?
> He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
>
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> Banta was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle
> of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
three
> miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked
Banta
>
> why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do
> any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
>
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> Why does Banta keep empty beer bottles in his fridge? They're there
> for those who don't drink.
>
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> Why does Banta have see-through lunch box lids? So that when he is on
> the train he can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
>
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> Why couldn't Banta write the number "eleven"? He didn't know which
> "one" came first...
>
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> Why does Banta only change his baby's diapers once a month?
> Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."
>
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> Did you hear about Banta skydiver? He missed the Earth!
>
eleven people were hanging with a rope on a cliff, ten
were sardars and one hindu.one said that this rope can
bare the weight of ten people so one of us has to
sacrifice his life to save other ten,all started
thinking atlast hindu says ok i will sacrifice my life
to save all of u.all the sardars smiled and started
clapping.
A Tourists at Niagara falls:
> > Guide:
> > "I welcome u all to niagra falls.
> > these are the world's largest
> > waterfalls and the sound intensity of the
> > waterfall is so high, even 20
> > supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
> > Now may i request the ladies to
> > keep quite so that we can hear the
> > niagra falls"...................
Read all the way to the bottom! written by Andy Rooney a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.
Enjoy............................................................
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly,person.
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. To all of you....
An archaeologist is the best
husband a woman can have;
the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
--Agatha Christie
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Bachelors should be heavily
taxed. It is not fair that
some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
-------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can
borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
-------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was
married for
two years.
--Sam Kinison
----------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who
will give you expensive
answers that your wife will give you for
free.
--Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women
than married men; if they
didn't, they'd be married too.
--H. L. Mencken
-------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than
women; for one thing, they
marry later; for another thing, they die
earlier.
--H. L. Mencken
-------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a
fish without a bicycle."
--U2
-------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple
smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles,
everyone wonders why.
------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an
eye-opener.
------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his
car for his wife, you
can be sure of on
her the car is
new or the wife.
-------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps
finding herway back.
------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go
for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
-------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours
That was only for the estimate.
-------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two
days. Then the mud fell off.
-------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling,
"Am m I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled,
"No, jump in!"
------------------------------------------------------
BaddTeddy recently explained to me why he
refuses to ever get married.
He says "the wedding rings look too much
like minature handcuffs....."
-------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who do
you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up
after you let him in!
------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of
his dearly
departed mother and started back toward his
car when
his attention was diverted to another man
kneeling at
a
grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound
intensity
and kept repeating, "Why did you have to
die?
Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said,
"Sir,
I don't
wish to interfere with your private grief,
but this
de! monstration of pain is more than I've
ever
seen
before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A
child?
A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect
himself,
replied, "My wife's first husband."
---------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The
husband
leaned over, made a wish and threw in a
penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But
she
leaned over too much,fell into the well,
and
drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but
then
smiled
"It really works!"
----------------------------------------------
Every man should get married
some time;after all, happiness is not
the
only thing in life!!
and 25 reasons why i dont have girl friend
> 1."No tension."
> 2."I can be myself."
> 3."If i don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump
> me!"
> 4."Because having a gf is hot, not having one is
> automatically cool! And I'd love to be a cool guy!"
> 5.I won't have to tolerate someone else defining
> 'wrong' and 'right' for me."
> 6."We can stare at any girl without being glared at
> by another."
> 7."No girl friend, no emotional blackmail. Simple."
> 8."Going really takes you round and round in
> circles, you never know where you are."
> 9."There can be more to life than just waiting for
> the bloody phone to ring."
> 10."Girlfriends can get so possessive that you can't
> do anything according to your wishes anymore."
> 11."I don't have to waste paper writing love
> letters."
> 12."I won't have to see boring love stories instead
> of action thrillers."
> 13."I can have a good night's sleep-no need to dream
> about her."
> 14."I can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa
> instead of girlfriend and have a happier family
> life."
> 15."No more endless waiting for your date to arrive
> at some weird shop/place."
> 16."I can have more guy friends as i will have more
> time for them."
> 17."I won't have to lie to anybody and, therefore,
> i'll sin less."
> 18."I won't loose a good friend over a little fight
> or something."
> 19."We get to give more flowers on Rose Day."
> 20."I won't have to fight over having a 'special'
> friend with my folks!"
> 21."No nonstop nonsense."
> 22."I won't drown in the pool of her tears!"
> 23."I don't have to spend money on her."
> 24."I won't get boring result in my exams."
> 25."I won't have to hide the telephone bills!"
>