In one sense, I feel like it's sacrilege to touch your prayer. I have, however, taken you at your word re "brutally honest" (forgive me) and critiqued it to the best of my ability. If my suggestions do nothing more than confirm to you how wrong my ideas are and how settled you are with your wording, then I feel it's a win-win.
I don't have the time to "bold" my statements this morning, so I hope it's not too difficult separating my comments from your prayer.
Thank you for sharing with us, Rhon; it was a privilege to read and meditate upon your prayer this morning.
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My prayer for you on this special morning
{Was} formed in my heart on the day you were born,
And has grown with you and followed you each day since then.
Our Gd {and} Gd of our fathers, let me be strong enough to protect him with my every breath,
And please hold him in {Y}our care when I can not.
Brock, with your very first smile, you shared your love and joy with {everyone you met}, = [weak... a bit more specific or picturesque?]
And I pray that the sweetness of your heart is never destroyed by the bitterness of cruelty. {excellent line!}
I pray that the laughter with which you start each day,
Remains a light {to} guide you through the hardest times;
And that your intelligence, inquisitiveness and love of learning
Lead you to [new discoveries at every opportunity.] = again, kind of cliche-ish and generic sounding. new exoduses? insights? awaken you to new compassions and ???
I pray that as you travel the path to your future,
You follow the guideposts of honesty, [responsibility]** and perseverance;
For me, "responsibility" always begs the question "responsible to whom or what?" Left unanswered it sounds ambiguous and undefined. Playing with an edit... feel free to disregard:
I pray that as you travel the path to your future, / You follow the guideposts left by honest men, / that you persevere in integrity and leave behind your own unique footprints for those who will follow *you* one day. And that the foundations of Judaic learning and tradition
Become a lifelong commitment to Torah and
tzedukah,
{For you are a son of the covenant.}
I pray that the excitement and enthusiasm you bring to each new venture
Is never dampened by nay-sayers and pessimists; [I like the strong wording here!!]
And that when the harsh realities of life throw obstacles in your way,
You can face them head-on, move forward, and still appreciate the daily miracles {in front of you.} = maybe a more poetic way to say this? before you? anointing your days?
I pray that you find love based on trust and friendship,
Someone whose passion, respect and honesty [you've used "honesty" earlier... maybe a synonym? candor? truthfulness?] will support you through the years;
And that when you hold a child of your own in your arms,
You understand the depths of my devotion to you.
Today, as you take your place in the Jewish community,
I pray for {your future,} = more poetic way to say this (you've already used "future" earlier)? the unwritten chapters yet to be recorded? days of years yet to come? goodness and mercy to follow you ... always.
And in the words of our ancestors, thank Gd for reaching this day:
Baruch atah adonai elohenu meleh ha’olam,
Blessed art thou, O Lord our Gd, King of the universe
Sheheheyanu, vekiyemanu, vehigiyanu laseman hazeh
Who has kept us in life, preserved us, and enabled us to reach this season.
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The opposite of joy is not sorrow. It is unbelief. ~ Leslie Weatherhead
Picture me with my ground teeth stalking joy--fully armed too, as it's a highly dangerous quest. ~ Flannery O'Connor
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