Any suggestions and comments would be very much appreciated.


The Thief

A man obsessed with time came knocking at my door. His eyes, ever restless, moved between his watch and the waiting taxi. “I don’t have much time,” he whispered. “And neither do you. Time’s running out – and quickly! Hurry and leave, before you are left in the dust with cockroaches and moths.”

“I have all the time in the world,” I replied, pulling out my pocketwatch. He stared at the unmoving hands, his eyes widening, his heart starting to race.

“It can’t be,” he cried, pointing an accusing finger at me. “No matter how you took it, you’ll never get mine!” He turned to flee to the safety of the taxi on the street. I grabbed his arm, wrenching him around as he started to run.

“I take what I want,” I said calmly, taking the watch off his wrist. I held my watch in one hand, his in the other. The man gaped as he saw the hands on his timepiece fly forward through the hours, and the hands on mine spin backwards. They both stopped suddenly, and I handed the watch back to him. His hand closed around it as he started to collapse.

I took a deep breath, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Smiling, I watched as three cockroaches crawled under his coat, and a moth settled on his mouth.

The taxi pulled away slowly.



The Healer

I walked past a couple caught in time, their arms stretched out in frustrated gestures, mouths open as a result of angry words. I almost left them there, to be stuck forever in the world they created for themselves. It would serve them right for not finding the good; for only seeing the wrongs and never forgiving them. Instead, I turned back. Stepping between the two, I studied them carefully.

The man, taller than me but stooped over to look his companion in the eyes, wore a heavy coat over his sweater. Noticing the abundance of clothes, I became aware of the chill wind blowing through the square. His face was filled with worry, anger and love. It was not surprising when I noted how tired his whole body seemed, even his eyes.

Turning to the woman, I could see she was frustrated with the man, not seeing the immensity of love in his eyes. She has almost given up – I can see defeat sinking into her body and despair filling her soul. The bottom of her dress wavered slightly, drawing my attention to the shortness of her dress and exposed legs ending in high-heeled shoes.

Returning my attention to the man, I slowly removed his coat and placed it around the woman. After replacing arms by sides and mouths to calmer positions, I stepped back to admire my work. The companions started to come alive again, eyes brightening and smiles forming slowly. They started to relax, passion returning to their blood.

I watched as the man put his arm around the shoulders of the woman, protecting and loving. They walked away, as deeply in love as possible in their ever-changing world.



The Traveller

I run through the streets of the cities, turning clocks for people concerned only with time and money. I play in the meadows of the country, ripening flowers and letting brooks babble happily along. I wander slowly through the mountains, changing little, allowing the beauty to remain for everyone. When I get to the stars – I stop. They remind me of lovers eyes, friends embraces, a mother’s love. I am awed by them, and leave them undisturbed, for eternity.

~~* Wisdom begins in wonder. - Socrates *~~ . . . Aude Sapere ~*~ Dare to Know

[This message was edited on 02-08-04 at 07:27 PM.]

Suggestions:
She has almost given up – I can see defeat sinking into her body and despair filling her soul.
-That stanza is in past tense so maybe this would seem better as “She had almost given up. I could see defeat…”

They remind me of lovers eyes, friends embraces, a mother’s love.
-lovers’ , friends’… I think the apostrophe is required.. Also, how about "a lover's eyes", "a friend's embrace", to make it seem similar to "a mother's love" - though that isn't necessary or required, in my opinion.

I wonder… could you expand this a bit to show another face or two, perhaps? That’s not necessary, but perhaps thinking of a few more aspects would cover the concept in greater detail (and I’d enjoy reading more of your interesting ‘sub-stories’!).

Just my thoughts, take-or-leave!

Comments: I couldn’t get this totally I think, but I like it nonetheless. Unique concept, vivid descriptions, well-presented and very effective last line. Quite well-done! Good luck with the work (this one) and keep up the good work (your writing in general)!

The stars shine down And watch us live Our little lives and weep for us. ~by Monet Nodlehs

Absolutely wonderful. Excellent writing and good concept. I particularly like the section about the thief.

My only criticism would be that it seems a lot more thought went into the first section, less into the second, and even less into the third.

Nevertheless, I became interested quickly, felt smart as you let me on to the theme in stages, and ended up regretting that you were finished. Nice work!

---

I'm the bad guy here, let's not forget that.

LWNS: Thank you for the suggestions. I fixed the tense problem (I think) and changed the other line. Do you have any suggestions about other 'faces'?

TheTableist: The Theif is my favorite. I changed the second and third parts, but I'm not sure how well they turned out. Any comments are greatly appreciated.


I changed the second one, and added a little to the third. Any comments or suggestions, especially about the second one, would be a great help. Also, if anyone has any ideas about other 'faces' that could be done, I'd love to hear them.

The Thief

A man obsessed with time came knocking at my door. His eyes, ever restless, moved between his watch and the waiting taxi. “I don’t have much time,” he whispered. “And neither do you. Time’s running out – and quickly! Hurry and leave, before you are left in the dust with cockroaches and moths.”

“I have all the time in the world,” I replied, pulling out my pocketwatch. He stared at the unmoving hands, his eyes widening, his heart starting to race.

“It can’t be,” he cried, pointing an accusing finger at me. “No matter how you took it, you’ll never get mine!” He turned to flee to the safety of the taxi on the street. I grabbed his arm, wrenching him around as he started to run.

“I take what I want,” I said calmly, taking the watch off his wrist. I held my watch in one hand, his in the other. The man gaped as he saw the hands on his timepiece fly forward through the hours, and the hands on mine spin backwards. They both stopped suddenly, and I handed the watch back to him. His hand closed around it as he started to collapse.

I took a deep breath, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Smiling, I watched as three cockroaches crawled under his coat, and a moth settled on his mouth.

The taxi pulled away slowly.



The Healer

I walked past a couple caught in time, their arms stretched out in frustrated gestures, mouths open as a result of angry words. I almost left them there, to be stuck forever in the world they created for themselves. It would serve them right for not finding the good; for only seeing the wrongs and never forgiving them. Instead, I turned back.

The man was tall, but was stooped over to look his companion in the eyes. He wore a heavy coat over his sweater, protecting himself from the chill wind blowing through the square. His face was filled with worry, anger and love; his whole body suffered from the constant struggle.

Turning to the woman, I could see she was frustrated with the man, not seeing the immensity of love in his eyes. She had almost given up – I saw defeat sinking into her body and despair filling her soul. There was no warmth inside to combat the external chill; skin froze under her meager coverings.

I slowly removed the man’s coat and placed it around the small shoulders of the woman. Replacing arms by sides and mouths to calmer positions, I whispered tender words into waiting ears. The companions started to come alive again, eyes brightening and smiles forming slowly. They started to relax, passion returning to their blood.

I watched as the man put his arm around the woman, protecting and loving. They walked away, as deeply in love as possible in their ever-changing world.



The Traveller

I run through the streets of the cities, turning clocks for people concerned only with time and money. For children in school I cannot run fast enough, minutes feeling like hours as teachers drone on. Men and women in offices are my slaves, punching in and out for their daily bread.

I play in the meadows of the country, ripening flowers and letting brooks babble happily along. Birds sing as I bring out the fruits of the forests, and bring rain to cleanse the earth.

I wander slowly through the mountains, changing little, allowing the beauty to remain for everyone. One hundred years from now, will you even know I passed this way?

When I get to the stars – I stop. They remind me of lovers’ eyes, a friend’s embrace, a mother’s love. I am awed by them, and leave them undisturbed, for eternity.

~~* Wisdom begins in wonder. - Socrates *~~ . . . Aude Sapere ~*~ Dare to Know

Aude, the past tense seems alright to me.. and the length of the three "faces" more uniform, I think TheTableist gave a fine suggestion there.
Other faces? Maybe one (antonym of “healer” – what should that be?) “Destroyer” – how time (like distance..) might destroy some relationships, and one (antonym of thief, lol) under which you could write how some things are found after along time..
Other faces: 1. I don’t have “names” but maybe one face can be the way some things (material things, maybe memories..) are spoiled, rusted with time… 2. and a contrasting one, how some things grow more beautiful with time (flowers in full bloom seeming prettier than flower buds maybe..)..
I hope I make sense to you..
If these ideas click with you, you may have:
1. Six contrasting faces/aspects plus the last one (Traveller)
2. The thief, the healer, and one of (1) and (2) [the "other faces" I suggested and numbered as 1. and 2.]
3. Keep as it is! The present form seems fine too..
4. Six contrasts + Traveller and its contrast (something like, there are some moments when time seems to stop)..

I have rambled, if you need clarification lemme know…

The stars shine down And watch us live Our little lives and weep for us. ~by Monet Nodlehs

I think I understand what you're suggesting. And thank you for all the help and suggestions. I think I may add a couple more parts, but I haven't had time to write them up yet. When I do, your thoughts would be most welcome.

EDIT: I've decided to post it as is. Perhaps I will add more later, but for now, nothing else seems to be working as well as I want. Thanks for the help, LWNS and TheTableist

~~* Wisdom begins in wonder. - Socrates *~~ . . . Aude Sapere ~*~ Dare to Know

[This message was edited on 02-08-04 at 07:23 PM.]