Thank you to Harv she tried helping me on this piece. Suggestions, as always, are welcome. Curious, are my thou's and thy's and thee's correct? Thank you in advance. Trying something new here, Enjoy.

Invisible

I was but invisible,
‘Till thou appeared.
I am now,
Huggable,
Kissable,
Touchable,
Lovable!
Invisible am I, no longer;

For thou hast touched mine own core.

Crimson as thy lips,
Curvaceous as thy hips.
How couldst thou love me?

I looked in thine eyes,
Enraptured ‘till dawn.
How ‘twas a beautiful, magnificent sight!

As the night was coming to an end,
Thou dear one,
Sealed it with a kiss,
Thou hast made everything – Beyond right!

Let us pray that death ne’er to us come,
For thou art my life, my love, my soul.

Yet…

Like every sunrise,
Death shall come.
For thee [one day] shan’t be here,
So please, please do heed-
This silence that isn’t silence,
But hidden cries of fear.

Like a tsunami interloper,
Water shall rise.
Like a question never answered,
I shall ponder ‘pon my ‘Whys?”

Death is beyond me,
Some might not admit.
I shall [just] drown,
In agonizing pity.
Reminiscing of thee,
As fragments of thy face,
Leave me -
I shall thereafter

Be.

I n v i s i b l e

Again.

¤Deep in the valley, carved on the rock, three little words, Forget Me Not.¤

[This message was edited on 02-15-04 at 08:41 PM.]

[This message was edited on 02-15-04 at 11:00 PM.]

[This message was edited on 02-16-04 at 11:22 PM.]

CB is this quite frankly and far above anything I have ever seen you write. The rhytm was impeccable and so was your over all tone, sound, and rhyme. The only suggestion that I have as an effect thing, is make all the words "invisible" less able to be seen. For instance:

invisible

invisible

invisible

Stuff like that.

THE BIGGEST BRAVO I CAN BESTOW!

BRAVO!

(oh, I meant literally ).

:::::edit:::::I actually did three invisibles lol, one actually is (not by intention.) I think the second one would be good, both near invisible on white and gray. (the second is the first one you can see lol). The color code for the second is DDDDDD, if you wanted to know. The third (the second one you can see) is CCCCCC. Once again Bravo! :::::::::edit::::::

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HAVE A NICE DAY!

-Aeras

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quote:

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How ‘twas a beautiful, magnificent sight

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Doesn't work for me...something about the How 'twas, I had to read it a few times... I don't know maybe it's me.

quote:

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, are my thou's and thy's and thee's correct?

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Sorry, I don't know.

Can you explain thy vs. thine? you say thy lips, typ hips, but thine eyes... (not saying it's wrong, I just don't understand.)

quote:

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Enjoy.

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mission accomplished

I like the style.

Edit- Aeras posted at the same time. I agree with making the words "invisible" less able to be seen. That would be good.




"There may be something in what you say, Rabbit," Eeyore said at last. "I have been neglecting you. I must move about more. I must come and go."
"That's right, Eeyore. Drop in on any of us at anytime, when you feel like it."
"Thank you Rabbit. And if anyone says in a loud voice "Bother, it's Eeyore" I can drop out again."

thine definition

thy definition

adj. A possessive form of thou1
Used instead of thy before an initial vowel or h: “The presidential candidates are practicing the first rule of warfare: know thine enemy” (Eleanor Clift).

-Harv
Stella Splendens
December 22, 1985-March 27, 2003

CB...very very nice...not something i expected from you...

the only thing thats bugging me is the same line ELynn pointed out...

"How 'twas..." is awkward...if you fix that one part (even if you just take out 'how') this will be your best that ive read from you...

good luck... and ps---your thou's, thy's, and thine's seem correct to me...

No lower can a man descend than to interpret his dreams into gold and silver.
~Kahlil Gibran~

Thank you to everyone who replied.

A special thanks to my Bum pal Harv!

I took all comments and suggestions into consideration, but I shall not change a thing.

Lynn, Sunemstar I, for some reason, really like the line you pointed out. It reads quite smoothly for me. Ah well, thank you.

Mods - This is Posted in Poetry.

¤Deep in the valley, carved on the rock, three little words, Forget Me Not.¤