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Junior Member
Picture of $mil3 ur b3autiful
Posted
What’s happening to me
and what I use to be
so happy I was just pleased to be me
I look in the mirror and what do I see
its only some girl but she isn’t me
this girl doesn’t do any thing like me
this girl isn’t happy in reverse of me
every time I look she’s always there
I’m loosing my mind
or could this be real
who am I, and who is this girl I see
could this girl be me
but how could that be
we have absolutely nothing in common
what’s happening to me
the real me, the old me
I look in the mirror
I see her again
why is this girl always looking at me
we stare and we look
for what seems like an hour
still wondering is this girl me
everyday that I look it never changes
she always appears
never late but always on time
until I walk away thinking
Is that girl really me???

God has blessed you with a talent
Now bless others with your words
 
Posts: 2 | Location: college park, ga, usa | Registered: 09-27-07Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Picture of Rala
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I really like this poem.
One suggestion is, with the lines "I'm loosing my mind/Or could this be real" I think you might mean "I'm losingmy mind". Or if you did mean setting your mind loose, it might work better as "I'm loosing my mind . . . could this be real?"
 
Posts: 185 | Location: Perth, Australia | Registered: 04-19-08Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Picture of Cosmicstar
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Posted Hide Post
I really liked this. It had a really nice flow. All though, I did notice the same thing that Rala had. Either way you wanted to do it. It still had a very nice ring.
 
Posts: 70 | Location: Morganton, NC | Registered: 10-07-03Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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