Ahh winter. I figure you're contemplative and rather reflective about the coming season. A sense of loss? I like the imagery. Simple, yet paints the picture.
quote:
Broken images
of shattered glass.
Lay upon
the crystal pond.
Rough-sounding first two lines.. How about:
Broken twigs
of shattered glass.
float still
in the crystal pond.Your stanzas jump from the pond, up to the sky, then back down to the trees. Is there a significance? If not, it'll be smoother as pond-trees-sky. How about this?
Barren trees
clasp overgrown weeds
Puffy-grey clouds
paint the gloomy sky.I tried to draw out the essences of both stanzas. The third stanza, which to me seems like some flicker of hope, could go like this:
Spoons of sugar
fall as snowflakes
scatter and melt
cold on my tongue.Whoa! I ventured involving a narrator. It's up to you if you want to, just thought the turning point of the poem could use some spice.
Final stanza might run like this:
A bitter harsh wind
whips the air.
The season of winter
is finally here.There! The final two lines hold a bit of a twist.. thought you might like that. Bittersweet is winter, although not too explicit till the effect's lost.
Here's my take on your poem!
Broken twigs
of shattered glass.
float still
in the crystal pond.
Barren trees
clasp overgrown weeds
Puffy-grey clouds
paint the gloomy sky.
Spoons of sugar
fall as snowflakes
scatter and melt
cold on my tongue.
A bitter harsh wind
whips the air.
The season of winter
is finally here.Hope I've helped. Feel free to take any part of that advice or none at all. Cheers
please. If you have any suggestion or ideas how to fix this poem please feel free to comment. For some reason I don't think the 2nd or 3rd verse flow as well as the others. Can anyone help me? Thank you so much. I appreciate the help.