The bottle, where is the bottle? How did I lose it? How could I not lose it in this shithole? I wanted to do better, to be better, how did I **** this up too? Jesus, if he’d help me a little, if he lifted a ****ing finger around here I could do it. I’d be ok. What does he expect? He sits on his ass, and judges, passes judgement, like he’s ****ing Jesus Christ himself. So what if I have a drink? So ****ing what? Who wouldn’t drink in my shoes? Dammit does that kid ever shutup? I should have known I’d get a fussy baby. Should’ve known, never had good luck with nothing. Cry, cry, shit, eat, piss, that’s it. Son of a bitch it’s never ending. I’m tired, so tired, just a quick nap, don’t they say they’ll cry themselves to sleep? …………………. ****, what time is it? At least the kid is quiet Dammit, he’ll be home soon. Better change the kid, He might count the diapers again. ****ing *******, let him give it a try.
God he’s so little, so tiny… Six weeks old I think. What an ******* I am I don’t even know. He’s so still…so tiny and …. STILL Oh ****…. Oh ****…. He’s not BREATHING!!!!!…. Oh god, no, no please no I knew it; I knew I’d **** this up!! They should have taken him Why didn’t they take him from me?!?!
Why didn’t DSS take him? I worked all day and night just to pay the ****ing bills. She had one job… one ****ing job…. Take care of him. How was I supposed to know she forgot to feed him?! I knew she’d **** this up…
Posts: 57 | Location: wherever I am is where I'm at | Registered: 03-03-04
This is so powerful, so raw - I watched the movie as I read your words. I hope your original or "real" version has all the "foul" words included, without the stars. I know that for this site, you can't post it that way, but every curse should scream from the page.
My only question was the change in the last verse. At first, I thought it was a continuation of the others, and was confused that the speaker went from being concerned about "him" coming home and counting the diapers, to raging that "she" had one job. Then I realized (I think) that the last verse is "spoken" by the "him" the "she" was worried about.
What if you changed it back to her - now completely broken:
Oh god, no, no please no I knew it; I knew I’d **** this up!! They should have taken him Why didn’t they take him from me?!?!
What will I say to him? He works all day and night just to pay the ****ing bills. I had one job… one ****ing job…. Take care of him. How could I forget to feed him?! I knew I'd **** this up…
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Well, you got secrets and scars you hide Well, you got closets with bones inside Well, that's ok baby, So do I I won't criticize Baby, I'll just share the ride
Yes the curses are in there and emphasized in the original, this site used to allow the foul words, but apparently not anymore. I am glad the effect is still there without the curses.
I workshopped it just for that last section. I wasn't sure about it, I like your suggestion of just sticking to her perspective. I'll adjust it.
Posts: 57 | Location: wherever I am is where I'm at | Registered: 03-03-04
Alright here it is... with the different end. I do like this better, less confusing.
The bottle, where is the bottle? How did I lose it? How could I not lose it in this shithole? I wanted to do better, to be better, how did I **** this up too? Jesus, if he’d help me a little, if he lifted a ****ing finger around here I could do it. I’d be ok. What does he expect? He sits on his ass, and judges, passes judgement, like he’s ****ing Jesus Christ himself. SO what if I have a drink? So ****ing what? Who wouldn’t drink in my shoes? Dammit does that kid never shutup? I should have known I’d get a fussy baby. Should’ve known, never had good luck with anything. Cry, cry, shit, eat, piss, that’s it. Son of a bitch it’s never ending. I’m tired, so tired, just a quick nap, don’t they say they’ll cry themselves to sleep? …………………. ****, what time is it? At least the kid is quiet Dammit, he’ll be home soon. Better change the kid, He might count the diapers again. ****ing *******, let him give it a shot. God he’s so little, so tiny… Six weeks old I think What an ******* I am I don’t even know. He’s so still…so tiny and …. STILL Oh ****…. Oh ****…. He’s not BREATHING!!!!!…. Oh god, no, no please no I knew it; I knew I’d **** this up They should have taken him
Why didn’t they take him from me?!?! Why? I had one job… one ****ing job…. Take care of him. They should have known, should have ****ing noticed! How could I forget to feed him?!!?! I knew I’d **** this up…
Posts: 57 | Location: wherever I am is where I'm at | Registered: 03-03-04
