This is the first poem I have written in quite some time to my memory. Let me know if you can think of a better title and the ending, especially the way the ending is written. I think the brackets just add something that...well non-brackets wouldn't. Let me know. And thanks in advance to all those who take the time to reply. (One title i contemplated was "Distal Dreams" but scrapped it at the end because it felt like it was missing something)



And They Dream

Soft foam slides across the unbroken sand into crescendo.
Bubbles are born and die on the crest of each passing wave, with
The promise of the next generation swiftly flowing in to take their place.
Each bubble glints with the twinkle of starlight, with the dream of immortality.
Pools of twilight lay before dunes outside the tide’s grasp.
With effort, one bubble is pushed upon the foam to the heart of the shadow,
To the brink of existence, where it witnessed the death of a star.
On a distant shoreline, bathed in the light of a different moon, of a different sun,
Bubbles ride the froth of the incoming tide and reflect the last flash of a star
Known as Sol, that had been dead for centuries.

[And they dream of immortality.]

HAVE A NICE DAY!

~Aeras

It's a crime that no one responded to this earlier... beautiful poem. I love the picture you painted, the image of the foam, the waves, the bubbles, the stars. In fact, I almost feel blasphemous even thinking about editing it.

A few questions though:

quote:

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Soft foam slides across the unbroken sand into crescendo.

---

Should that be a crescendo? Something sounds strange there, I'm not exactly sure what.

quote:

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Each bubble glints with the twinkle of starlight, with the dream of immortality.
Pools of twilight lay before dunes outside the tide’s grasp.
With effort, one bubble is pushed upon the foam to the heart of the shadow,
To the brink of existence, where it witnessed the death of a star.

---

I'm a bit confused about the changing verb tenses here, you seem to be alternating between present & past. I guess I'm not sure if it's intentional, as an effect, or not, so it feels odd.

One thing you could try for the ending is an ellipsis, on both or either side:

quote:

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...And they dream of immortality ...

---

But personally, I think it's fine as is.

The title is a hard one, and I'm not the best at that sort of thing, but I'll try to come up with a couple ideas:
Sol Dreams
Tidal Dreams
(On the) Crest of Dreams

Regardless, beautiful work.

* * * * *
“Was it not Fate (whose name is also Sorrow),
That bade me pause before that garden-gate,
To breathe the incense of those slumbering roses?”
–Edgar Allan Poe, To Helen