tell me what you think!

I was only nine. You can't blame me I had no

clue what was happening. Every time I looked

seriously or concentrated on something for a

long time it happened. People started screaming.

At first I had no idea why but then I looked at

the cars I had just looked away from. BILLIONS

of them swarmed out. Little, tiny bugs that

quickly ate away at the car and then vanished. I

had no clue what happened so instead of waiting

for the bus I ran home. Then I couldn't help it

I just started looking at everything, and

everything turned to bugs then nothing. Luckily

my parents were gone and the babysitter across


the street running some errands. I ran and ran

until I couldn't run anymore. My house was gone

and it was like everything he looked at turned

into-I looked at a tree long and hard and then

Poof! some bugs then no more tree. I had thought

'holy crap, I'm a superhero!' of course at that

time I forgot that I had demolished a building

and someone's car had just been eaten by bugs

that came out of nowhere when I focused on

something.

-only one in school who reads quotes

Welcome to Quoteland, wolffheartt. If you are indeed in middle school, per your profile, I commend you on your short story (also for being the stellar student in your school to read quotes -- good on you!).

I think your first chapter has both strengths and weaknesses. One strength is you begin your story fairly strongly.... you rile up your readers' curiosity and then you follow it with action, moving your story along. The BILLIONS of bugs making cars and such disappear sounds powerful and destructive and worrisome (which is good when telling a story b/c you want readers to be so worried they keep reading).

A weakness in your story is that it begins to get confusing midway through the chapter:

My house was gone

and it was like everything he looked at turned

into-I looked at a tree long and hard and then

Poof! some bugs then no more tree.

Notice where you switch to "he"? You had been telling your story in what's called 1st person ("I saw..... I ran...." etc.) but then you switch to an unidentified "he".

Keep writing and using your imagination..... writing is a bit like sharpening a knife. The more you put knife to whetstone, the sharper the blade gets!

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The opposite of joy is not sorrow. It is unbelief. ~ Leslie Weatherhead
Picture me with my ground teeth stalking joy--fully armed too, as it's a highly dangerous quest. ~ Flannery O'Connor