Parents nurse you from the day you were born. they stay awake the whole night so that you can sleep. They educate you, give you everything you need and ususally support you in whatever you do.

But what about parents who neglect you? Those who try to fulfill their dream thru u, not caring at all whether u want to or not. What about parents who show you off in front of their friends? What about those who prefer your sibling to you? Is it ok to detest you mom and dad if they use their physical strength to make sure ur disciplined?Aren't there parents who abandon you just after your birth?

They brought you into this world and they make mistakes. But if they brought you here, aren't they supposed to be responsible? Is it always their kids who r supposed to compromise?

I'm not just talking about the rebellion and replusion towards your parents that takes place in teenagehood. Its about the fury that takes place not just bcuz they disapprove of ur behaviour or friends but the general irresponsibility and ignorance.

I do not think it is OK to hate your parents. If you are neglected or abused you do not have to love them, but you should not hate them. They gave you life, at the very least. Besides, people are human and they make mistakes. Also, when you hate someone, you feel pain. When you hate you harbor negative feelings about someone...holding that inside instead of simply letting it go hurts. So, for the parents' sake and the child's sake, one should not hate their parents.

It's not ok to hate your parents -- or anyone, for that matter. It's ok to hate what people do (e.g., abuse/neglect) or what they stand for. I think it's ok to be angry with your parents if that's what you need to be -- but hate them? No!
Both of my parents are dead and hindsight has given me a pretty good perspective. I spent a lot of time being angry with them. But I can't say that I hated them (even when I thought I did)-- just having a childish tantrum.

It's not ok to hate your parents

(Hum... I have never did this before, but I will give it a try, "devil's advocate" is what rhon831 calls it.)

I think it is okay to hate your parents. Parents they set you back in life. They never let you do what you want to, and when you want do something. Like be with your friends, go out with a boy/girl friend, get something at a store that they think is inappropriate. So there for as a teenager you begin to hate your parents; for them not letting you do what you wanted, or getting things that you wanted. And I think it is okay to hate them.

!~*~!Coley!~*~!

If they won't let you do what you want, they usually have a good reason. I call it guidance. When we are children/teenagers we should follow their rules, because — hey — we're living under our parents' roof. When we become independent (read: live away from home) then we can do what we want.

That said, rebellion is natural. Hating that they won't let us do what we want is not the same as hating them!

I think it's okay to dislike your parents, but the case would have to be extreme. For example, in Texas there was a little 8 year old girl who was locked in a closet, starved and lived in her own feces for the majority of her life. This was up until recently when she was rescued and placed in a foster home. Her new parents are now hoping to legally adopt her. Anyhow, I think it would be okay for her to dislike her parents as well as hate what they did to her.

Disliking your parents because they don't give you what you want or let you do what you want is kind of immature. The longer you live it will become evident that the majority of the time you don't get what you want. Unless you plan to live a life of crime.

Yours Truly,
Mel-in-Tex

Under MOST circumstances it is not okay to hate your parents. They provide for you, nurse you when your sick, basically support you until your ready to go out on your own. But if you're abused. . .beaten on a regular basis, sexually assaulted, etc., you do have a right to hate the person who stripped you of your dignity, even if they are your parents. Have any of you read, A Boy called It? That was by a guy who was a victim of child abuse every single day of his life and his mother would actually think of creative new ways to torture her child, while his father sat back and did nothing. Under circumstances like that, yes, I'd have to say it is okay to hate your parents.

Interesting topic..

I agree with DarknessBecoming.. it really depends on the situation.. I haven't really come across any relationships so full of hatred between parents and children.. it'd have to be really extreme, like Melyssa pointed out! But there are loads of unfortunate people out there who's lives are made miserable by their own parents.. they can't help, but detest their parents.. perhaps at a future point, they would look back and find out why exactly their parents behaved that way to them! it would be a lesson to them.. however, like i said before, it all depends on the situation..

--------Sanya----------

“Do what you think and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” -Richard Bach

The moving finger writes
And having writ, moves on
Not all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.

Melyssa and DarknessBecoming:Your right, a child has every right to detest his/her parents if she/he has been abused.
I agree that not liking your parents becuase they refuse to let you do certain things is childish.

however, there are some non- violent aspects of a child's life which may be affected by a parent. Pressure for them is one thing. being deprived of a proper education and maybe made to beg (bceause of poverty) might be another. this however, is very far fetched.

It's true that parents deserve credit for what you are. some parents just ignore their children. some may not be able to guide them the right way- mainly by not paying attention. A child;s mind is like clay. it can be molded in any way. if they do not have the time or whatever to take care, they probably shouldn't .............

i know this is way off the topic.
an example of what might happen to neglected children would be my poem which is titled "the end" and is on the writer's club right now.

i agree, that hate is a very powerful word. but sometimes, parents themseles are responsible for such feelings.

^*--$iren--*^

"You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."

I agree completely with darkness. I have heard and read certain parts of that book and thought I was going to puke. I hate his mother and I don't even really know her! I also feel sorry for them and the fact that they're deranged and sick enough to do these things. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents and could never see myself hating them. But if they abused me in any way, I would feel no remorse in hating them. As I said before I would feel incredibly sorry for them. Think of the desperation these people feel, or how sick they are in the head to do these things.
It is not wrong to hate your parents, but I say pity them. It's almost as bad if not worse, and doesn't hurt you like hate does.

quote:

---

Be humble for you are made of the Earth
Be noble for you are made of the stars

---

My mother HATES her children! Yet despite this and her constant love of reminding us* i still love and pity her. I don't think it is right to HATE them, but in a situation like the aforementioned i feel there is no need to love them...

*she tells my father that she is going to pick me up from school, arrives home a few HOURS later and says, 'oh, by the way, go pick Matt up' to my father who has just got home. She does this spitefully and frequently in different forms.
She also says 'i'm leaving, i hate you' often.
(I only share this to avoid people saying 'No, i'm sure she doesn't HATE you! Its all in your imagination!' which is the usual response...)

There are two factors- hatred and parents- to be considered. I think that parents do care for their children even though they have different ways of expressing their caring, sometimes they don't even express that. If they do make mistakes, we must not forget that they are humans too (and I think that even God might make mistakes-no offence, that's my view), and someday we will be parents too, perhaps we would then face the same challenges too.
If they don't allow you to party late night, no big deal. Such trivial matters can be resolved by showing that you are responsible enough and can take care of yourself.
About hatred, I think that hating someone is a part of loving them- if you never love anyone, you will never expect anything, the expectations will not be shattered and you will not hate anyone. One day my friend told me that 'the more you hate a person, the more you like him'. Abuse, restrictions, neglect- can't an open conversation, and proper actions that show that we kids are responsible and can be trusted- solve such issues? Parents are what God sent us here through...
have a happy relationship with them


~It's my duty to myself, to know what others probably don't know, don't want to know, don't agree to, consider foolish...and it's my right to spread what I do know, truthfully around, no matter what others may or may not think- SJ (that's me, letswriteandshare)~
~**God bless you**~
~hope, hope, hope~

I beleive the situations of personal abuse detailed above certainly merit hate, however what about when you hate who your parents are, not how they treat you? i.e. you have two loving parents who happen to be racists; they treat you well, but you almost "hate" who they are. I mean imagine being Hitler's kid (apparently he was quite nice to his family) what are you supposed to do then? Also consider the less extreme examples; are vegetarians who hate their parents because they eat meat out of line?

You discussed the examples of passive and positive relationship between parents and kids. But what if your parents are agressively negaitve towards you, what if they persistently try to abuse you or to fullfill some of their goals through you. Do you owe it to them? Because they gave birth to you because they paid for you?

Is it okay to hate anyone?

...Nastiest Member on QL...

Sure it's ok to hate someone, but is it useful?
It may take a while to stop hating, but in the long term it's better for you not to hate anyone. Don't nurse your hate.

And I don't think you need to owe your parents anything if you have bad parents. I don't think we should be made to feel 'grateful' that we were born - that's barmy. However, I do owe my parents a huge amount - but that's another story.

Get Curious!

Is it ok to hate ur kids? But, wait, that's a different topic...sorry.

"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.

I say its perfectly fine for a person to hate their parents if theyve been abused. I mean what gives the parents the right to have their childs love other then the fact that they reproduced. Respect and love is something that has to be earned by everyone. There is no reason to love someone just because they are a part of your family. It doesnt take two good people to have a child just any man or woman. Then again I havent really experianced any of this so I wudnt really know....

"Early man walked away as modern man took control.
Their minds weren't all the same, to conquer was his big goal,
So he built his great empire and slaughtered his own kind,
Then he died a confused man, killed himself with his own mind.": "Were Only Gonna Die For Our Arrogance"-Bad Religion

I'm with the late great comedian Bill Hicks on this one. How difficult is it to conceive for some people? I and my eight siblings are a product of my drunken father's sexual appetite, forced onto my mother. If she refused she'd get beaten up. (Yes she did eventually leave him.) After 16 years of physical and verbal abuse visited upon myself my siblings and my mother, this worm turned. It was a bit like Naseem Hamed against a hungover and overweight Mike Tyson. No contest! If it hadn't have been for my elder and much larger brother hauling me off, I probably would have beaten him to death. So yes it's okay to hate one's parents.

"Hate is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Hate isn't healthly and from personal experience harboring that ember smoldering away inside you can destroy all the other relationships in your life.

We are from a Christian point of view commanded to honor our mother and father. Honoring the father and mother instead of finding honor within oneself (in my opinion a very Pagan point of view) was designed to preserve the family unit. I am Pagan and my thoughts are, what if your parents aren't honorable? And isn't one definition of honor to bestow rewards on those worthly of them?

There are many ways to be abused. Emotional neglect is plays a big role in one's sense of self esteem. I look at it this way, would you put up with a friend in your life that is constantly putting you down? Constantly needy, manipulative and controlling? Hopefully you would wake up an smell the roses and say, this relationship is not healthy and this person needs to be cut out of my life. Blood, in my opinion, does not a relative make. I owe no allegance to those who seek in any way shape or form to harm me in some way. Anyone can have sex and any woman can spread her legs and pop out a child. This does not a parent make.

I am from an extremely abusive home and carry quite a bit of emotional baggage. I have not completely cut my parents out of my life, but I do keep them at bay now that I no longer need any financial or emotional (yeah, right!) support from them. I can't bring myself to cut them from my life as somehow they wouldn't understand and it would cause them pain. I cannot inflict on them in any small way what they have inflicted on me, but I have learned through counseling to control the situation and to limit my assessability to them. Severing the ties is not easy.

Getting back to hate -- Oprah Winfrey said, “You cannot hate other people without hating your self.” I would like to add that you cannot hate without destroying yourself (reference to the quote at the beginning of this post). Been there, done that.

*******
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~ Cousins