Jack and Jill hiked up a trail
To spend some time in the mountains.
They pitched a tent and built a fire
And shared a kosher wiener.
When the sun went down, Jack got up
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill sat still but she couldn't quell
Her lusty itch for pleasure.
When Jack sat down, he drank some ale
But Jill came tumbling after.

[This message was edited by Phantom_Delta on 03-14-06 at 08:24 PM.]

This was great, I have my own version of the tale but this is a family oriented site.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill.......

Nope, can't do it.

Phantom_Delta ..I think your poem was childish, borish and below the level of your IQ. If you have no better games to play than post stuff like this then I feel sorry for you. I know that you are capable of writing far better than this I have read some of your better stuff. Why do you feel you have to act the fool and put everyone who would like to possible post something meaningful cringe from reading stufff like this?
If you can't post better why not take your bat and ball and go play in someone elses backyard.

Grow up Phantom_Delta, this is ridiculous trolling material; if you have such existential angst to post such a clearly pointless poem than perhaps you should devote your attention to something else. This isn't intellectual or even humourous satire, but immature piss-taking. I didn't have to respond but frankly I thought you should know that this is exactly the reason why I can't take many of your posts seriously. If you can write, which I know you can, it's beyond me why you feel the need to condescend to such a farcical level.

...thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over...

I'm quite stunned that you could accuse PD of 'ridiculous trolling material', boh. I suggest you do a search through some of your own posts and get back to us again!! *extreme irritation*

*whispers*...copy and paste...

You do the searching

BOH's recent posts have been his best. I believe what ever you write is ok. It does not matter what BOH says. PD will either take it or leave it. Some comments really aren't worth the breath. I hope ya'll understand, and i wasn't going to waste my breath, just thought this shoud be addressed.

BOH, I think you only looked at the surface of this poem. If it was rated "R" then obviously you haven't dug deeper. I suggest you do it.

"Jack and Jill hiked up a trail
To spend some time in the mountains."

"romantic" get away.


"They pitched a tent and built a fire
And shared a kosher wiener."

Use your imagination here.

"When the sun went down, Jack got up
To fetch a pail of water."

Exhuasted, and needs water.

"Jill sat still but she couldn't quell
Her lusty itch for pleasure."

She couldn't control her urge for more.

"When Jack sat down, he drank some ale
But Jill came tumbling after."

They got drunk in the mountians.

I see the disconnection in the last four lines. That's one place that needs work.

Otherwise, I rather like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Because I could not stop for Death --
He kindly stopped for me --
The carriage held but just ourselves
And immortality."
-Emily Dickinson, Because I Could Not Stop For Death

I want to thank ever one who read my pome and all those who comet on it to. I really really need to work on the last line so I'll see if I can fix it. (All my pomes need fixing real bad. Even the ones that ain't broke).

This poem was largely inpsired by recent pomes here at quoteland including pomes by BOH and DT. I am not offended by BOH's comet because he just posted what OS posted about his pome a few weeks ago. All poets are subjected to critisim including Shakespeare.

In closin I want to say that the pome was meant to reflect echos of Brokeback Mountain but I couldn't figure out how to write sheeps into the verses.

(If the pen is mightier than the sword then what could be sharper than the word?)

[This message was edited by Phantom_Delta on 03-15-06 at 07:20 AM.]

BOH, You may think PD's post was childish, but I think all this nonsensical bickering back and forth is childish, and many excellent writers formerly posting on this site have decided to "take (their) your bat and ball and go play in someone elses backyard" just for this very reason. It is QL's loss. A shame.

LB(lamenting butterfly)

"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.

LB, I think there is more pertinancy in things such as...

quote:

---

If it was rated "R" then obviously you haven't dug deeper. I suggest you do it.

---

...Right. Whatever you say.

Edit: Oh, and since people are missing the quip...

...thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over...

Jack and Jill hiked up a trail
To spend some time in the mountains.
They pitched a tent then built a fire
And shared a kosher wiener.
When the sun went down, Jack got up
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill sat still but she couldn't quell
Her lusty itch for pleasure.
When Jack lay down,
Jill came tumbling after him.


(Revised last two lines on 11-2-09)