Restless yearning, wanderlust,
A distant voice I hear it...just.
Bidding me, and calling me; beckoning.

How shall I answer?
Am I being drawn to, or pulled from?

Some days the voice is strong;
Some days but a pulse within,
Humming...humming...

What is it seeking?
My heart? My mind? My body? My soul?

Will I ever know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.

[This message was edited by lost butterfly on 02-18-09 at 07:21 PM.]

Hey LB,

Good to see you post again.

Restless yearning, wanderlust,
A distant voice I cannot quite hear.
Drawing, calling to me, beckoning.

This first stanza serves well enough to set up your poem. When I started reading the first two lines, especially after line one, I was almost expecting a slightly lyrical procession of words. In being slightly disappointed in discovering there was no such flow (and still while recognizing this is a free verse piece), I would like to suggest the following possibilities:

Restless yearning, wanderlust,
A distant voice I hear it just-
Drawing me, and calling me; beckoning.

I think this flows more to my initial, albeit unfounded, expectations for some rhythm without dictating the piece to a structured rhyme.

How to answer?
Am I being drawn to or pulled from?

I think, especially in later questions, one of the things that could strengthen this piece is a little more succinctness. In other cases, like with your two lines above, I would almost add a little length:

What answer may it ascertain
from ears that neither know its approach nor departure?

I'll be honest, those two lines were not what I intended to suggest a moment ago but thats what flowed out. I think these two lines actually add a little more wistfulness and almost eternal tragedy. They still contain your original notion of not knowing how to respond or whether you are being drawn to or pushed away from this voice.


Some days the voice is strong;
Some days it is but a pulse within me,
Humming...humming...

This stanza supports your earlier notion (both yours and my revision) and I do not think there is much here to be looked upon as justifying changes. The only change I would suggest is to drop "it is" from line two. The reader understands you are still referring to the voice (especially due to the positive mention in the line before)and its a slight bit of redundancy that the poem is stronger without.

And what is it seeking?
My mind? My heart? My body? My soul?

I like the myriad of questions here. I think something like "Where lies its intention?" as the opening question to this couplet might be stronger, but your original line serves equally well. The only other change I suggest for this bit is to reverse the heart and mind question. Leading off with the heart and then the mind reads stronger and with better flow for some reason.

And will I ever know?

I think if you drop the "and" here this will be a wonderful ending to your piece.

Overall, this is what it would look like if you adopted all the changes I suggested:

Restless yearning, wanderlust,
A distant voice I hear it just-
Drawing me, and calling me; beckoning.

What answer may it ascertain
from ears that neither know its approach nor departure?

Some days the voice is strong;
Some days but a pulse within me,
Humming...humming...

Where lies its intention?
My heart? My mind? My body? My soul?

Will I ever know?

Overall thanks for sharing. I like the thoughts behind the piece and it falls very nicely into a growing favorite category of mine, that of a deeper questioning of the world around. Not description, but its nature incites further inference and exploration. Good job.

-Aeras

Thank you, Aeras. I was just logging back on to make a couple of changes myself. Earlier today, I found this amongst a bunch of my scribblings and just hastened to post it without taking time to revise. I shouls have posted it in the Workshop if I had been thinking!

I like most of your changes and will gladly adopt the ones with which I am comfortable. Thank you for your ongoing careful and thorough critiques.

~~lb~~

"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.

[This message was edited by lost butterfly on 02-18-09 at 07:20 PM.]

Your welcome LB. However, I still vote for removing the and from the last question. It makes it more powerful in my opinion.

-Aeras

Ok, you win! haha

Now about this section:

How to answer?
Am I being drawn to or pulled from?

I think, especially in later questions, one of the things that could strengthen this piece is a little more succinctness. In other cases, like with your two lines above, I would almost add a little length:

What answer may it ascertain
from ears that neither know its approach nor departure?


The being drawn to or pulled from isn't about the voice's coming or going...it is about the person wondering if the "something" is so strong and enticing that they are being drawn to it, as opposed to the "something" pulling them away from where they are. Did that making any sense? I "feel" what I want to say, but don't know if I'm hitting the mark.
Thanks again!

~~lb~~

"If a man should pick me wildflowers, he would hold my heart forever" J.