I wrote a poem by the same name. I'll let you read it, then discuss it.
She looks out her window at the world.
Turbulent waters swirl around her.
Knowing she is just another girl,
As the crashing waters grow louder.
People in their fancy clothes scurry the street,
The sky grows darker over her head.
The fancy shoes on their fancy feet,
She knows time would never know if she were dead.
Tattered curtain blows in her dirty window's breeze,
The waters carry her away from the city.
Worrisome faces watching tickers begging "Please",
She flows past the abyss showing them pity.
I'm not saying I'm a great writer by any means, just want to get that out there first. When I wrote about kinda the same thing I wrote about it differently. I think the great thing about art and poetry is you don't have to be so direct about your meaning.
The art of a painting is not just painting a picture of a person, but putting so much more into the painting. The person's facial expressions, the clothes they're wearing and the state they're in, the primary and secondary colors used... all of these things are there for the person that is taking in the art to decipher, to understand what they mean, and in that discovery that meaning behind the art is found and means so much more to the person that found the meaning that it sticks with them that much more.
Growth as a writer typically comes through a phase of just getting want you want to say out there and making it rhyme, as you grow you will find yourself looking to put more into your writing, reading other people's writings and defining a more unique style for yourself.
I like your poem it gets the point across nicely and conveys emotions, but for your future writings perhaps you can venture into some concepts not so concrete and straight forward. I mean this with no disrespect, just one writer to another.
I hope all is well for you and you continue to write
Cole D.
If I am not myself, then who am I, and who is me?
