Just the tender touch of healing hands The armour of encircling arms Will surely serve to soothe your suffering
This is the section I like, the entire poem is a work of art, I love it.
The section I've quoted reminds me of something very dear to my heart. When someone is suffering, either physically or mentally, the one thing that wraps them up, as if in a security blanket, is the gentle touch or cuddle of someone close to them. This means more than you may realize, and for those few seconds or minutes, the pain can be lessened.
Beautifully done WW.
"But each day brings its petty dust our soon-choked souls to fill, and we forget because we must, and not because we will."...Matthew Arnold.
Posts: 5410 | Location: Scotland, United Kingdom. | Registered: 12-15-02
Dear WW, I love the emotion of this poem, the need to help is so well expressed. I would suggest that you consider eliminating adjectives when not really needed and some verbiage. Example and suggestions for your consideration given below.
Before me in your nakedness Written words strip away Garments of your shattered heart
Delete rounded in line 1 stanza 2. Delete weeping in line 3 stanza 3. Delete proffer in line 3 stanza 4. Delete to make line 1 stanza 5. Delete But and would ever in line 3 stanza 5. Delete tender in line 1 of stanza 6. Delete mantle of in line 1 stanza 7. Delete before me in line 3 stanza 7. Delete And your in line 3 stanza 8. Delete those in line 1 stanza 9. Delete the in line 2 stanza 9. Delete rounded in line 1 stanza 10.