The following words were penned by my husband who recently took his own life. They are not words he was capable of composing but they were written in his own handwriting. In order to understand this short message, i need to know its origins and i would be so grateful if anyone has ever heard of anything like it. it goes like this

You are an absolute angel
and i am the devil incarnate
who must not and should not ever
be forgiven for causing such utter devastation and misery upon you and our family.

Please help me if you can as i try to solve this deeply sad and tragic event in our family. i hope this does not cause offence to anyone.

I am sorry for you loss. What you experienced is one the worst things that could happen to a human being.

I would suggest you NOT care about the words you are interested in and instead find a support group as soon as possible. Hopefully one where others in the group have experienced family members and suicide.

There is a very good website called Compassionate Friends. Google that. They meet also have information on a local group. You need to make friends and connections there. People close to you now will NEVER understand what you are experiencing and they will clumclumsily try.

The problem with chasing after words loved ones write or reliving what you could have done is an exercise in futility. The more you drag the bottom of trying to understand reasons for this event the more questions come up.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. As much as possible you need to focus on the present and future, not the past.

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i know what you are saying is true, and i am being helped through all this , it was just such a shock to read such awful words and i can't fathom out out, but your'e right. thanks anyway.

Do not know what happened.But I believe you will be able to ride out the storm.Do not let difficult to overthrow you.You must be sanguine to face the troublesome.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mrs. Micawber,

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Originally posted by pippymags:
The following words were penned by my husband who recently took his own life. They are not words he was capable of composing but they were written in his own handwriting. In order to understand this short message, i need to know its origins and i would be so grateful if anyone has ever heard of anything like it. it goes like this

You are an absolute angel
and i am the devil incarnate
who must not and should not ever
be forgiven for causing such utter devastation and misery upon you and our family.

Please help me if you can as i try to solve this deeply sad and tragic event in our family. i hope this does not cause offence to anyone.

I feel for your loss, and for the fact that you are trying so hard to understand this. One thing I can tell you is that there would have been nothing you could have done to prevent your husband doing what he did, so I hope you feel no guilt.
Often people who take their own lives, do so without giving others a clue as to what's on their minds, or what they are about to do, so you could not have prevented this.

I have not been able to find anywhere the particular wording that you say your husband would not have made by himself, perhaps these were words he had over heard somewhere, but you will never know.

It seems to me that you could benefit from discussing this with a group of people who, like yourself, are suffering a loss from suicide - as these are the people (outside of your immediate family) who will know what you are going through.

I found a website which has a discussion forum, and you may find it beneficial as this would be a place where you can talk anonymously. I hope it helps.

http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/index.html

On the other hand if you no longer need it, you don't have to use it. In time you will be able to move forward and get on with your life.

I wish you well.

Also, most everyone who has experienced something like this will say their immediate family had no clue what it was like to experience it. I know common belief says your immediate family is where to turn, but this is in fact NOT true. Immediate family is of little or no help to recovering and towards a healthy life. ONLY people who have experienced your kind of loss will understand what it is like going through it.

Commit to developing and nurturing your close relationships with people who have been through this. Do not pay much attention to family members who wonder why you are not drawing closer to them. Be gracious about any complaints from them. Again, others will NEVER understand the extent of what you are experiencing and therefore unable to form the bonds you need. This is just a fact.

Not to say family is not a good support, they just should not be the primary support.

Here are some links as well.

Compassionate Friends Website

Compassionate Friends Facebook Page

Suicide notes usually take the following tracts: rambling on making no sense, to dissipate guilt, to blame and/or to give practical instructions. In this case there is remorse and and acceptance of blame by the doer.

Realize that at that particular time, for some reason, your husband felt this was the only way out for him. Suicidal people have tunnel vision and can see no other way out of their problem. At times it is very impulsive.

Surround yourself with family and other support to get through this trying time. This thread has some great suggestions for that. I'm sorry for the loss and pain you feel.