Originally posted by pippymags:
The following words were penned by my husband who recently took his own life. They are not words he was capable of composing but they were written in his own handwriting. In order to understand this short message, i need to know its origins and i would be so grateful if anyone has ever heard of anything like it. it goes like this
You are an absolute angel
and i am the devil incarnate
who must not and should not ever
be forgiven for causing such utter devastation and misery upon you and our family.
Please help me if you can as i try to solve this deeply sad and tragic event in our family. i hope this does not cause offence to anyone.
I feel for your loss, and for the fact that you are trying so hard to understand this. One thing I can tell you is that there would have been nothing you could have done to prevent your husband doing what he did, so I hope you feel no guilt.
Often people who take their own lives, do so without giving others a clue as to what's on their minds, or what they are about to do, so you could not have prevented this.
I have not been able to find anywhere the particular wording that you say your husband would not have made by himself, perhaps these were words he had over heard somewhere, but you will never know.
It seems to me that you could benefit from discussing this with a group of people who, like yourself, are suffering a loss from suicide - as these are the people (outside of your immediate family) who will know what you are going through.
I found a website which has a discussion forum, and you may find it beneficial as this would be a place where you can talk anonymously. I hope it helps.http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/index.html
On the other hand if you no longer need it, you don't have to use it. In time you will be able to move forward and get on with your life.
I wish you well.
"But each day brings its petty dust our soon-choked souls to fill, and we forget because we must, and not because we will."...Matthew Arnold.